December 2008
You bring out the best in me when it's not the...
Sorry about how incredibly emo and desperate to be poetic that last post sounded. This whole feeling is on and off; I feel okay sometimes, and I’m really down other times. I don’t know. These are all my issues, and I don’t even have that severe of them right now. It’s just me being selfish and jealous. I’m okay. I’m alive.
Last night was absolutely crazy. My...
Cool kids never have the time.
Can we trade lives, just for a day? I’d love to see what it feels like to be you. You seem so depressed, but to the outside world, it is absolutely incredible. I need that chipped picket fence in my bloodstream, because I don’t know how long I can go on covering this up. I am delirious. I am absolutely fucking delirious. I need to get out. You really don’t know what you have...
I will never believe in anything again.
Never in my entire life have I felt this much of a strain on my relationships with every single person in the world, including myself.
This is one of days, even weeks, that I just want to fall off the face of the earth. I can’t go cry to anyone, because the people I would normally turn to aren’t there. None of them are.
I need a reality check. I am horrible.
Kiss my lips, and I swear I'll fall apart.
I can’t take this distance any longer, in any sense. I miss you all.
“Her body was ransom. Her kisses were dancing on my lips and in my mind. The...”
– Just Surrender, “Body Language And Bad Habits”
It must be in the air here.
Hey, guys. Christmas was the best. I got some DVD’s, CD’s, clothes galore, some candy, my Les Paul, my MacBook, my new iPod, since the other one was dead, and some other miscellaneous stuff. Overall, it was great, materialistically. However, the best gift of all was spending time with some great friends, family, and a group of the most inspirational people ever. You have no idea how...
My heart is so heavy. I used to be confident.
I’ve been lazy and let down these past few days. I need to straighten some stuff out.
“Head in hands, I’m fine, and I’ve been fighting the words. It just...”
– Valencia, “Head In Hands”
You've got to get away.
Over the past few days, so much has taken place. Never did I ever think I would be drinking coffee at Starbucks and window shopping at Hilltop with Dave Elkins. He’s the absolute coolest guy I’ve ever spent time with. He, Spencer, and I just talked in that coffee shop for several hours, and that was a feeling I never wanted to let go of. He’s got the greatest sense of humor and...
“So let’s drink to memories we shared, down one for all the hopes and...”
– Mayday Parade, “One Man Drinking Games”
Up and leave, stars and ships remain.
Today was pretty good for my first full day of break. I got some of my Christmas/Hanukkah gifts in the mail, including my Anberlin hoodie that I’ve had my eye on for the longest time. I’m so stoked about that. Also, I watched my new Mae DVD, From Toledo To Tokyo. It’s pretty incredible, and it had me near tears a few times. I’ve been listening to Destination: Beautiful all...
In here, red drips from the walls.
What’s going on, everyone? I feel the need for a longer update tonight, so that’s just what I’m going to give you guys. Today at noon started my break officially, which I’m so fucking glad about. Nearly 3 weeks away from school is just what I need right now, plus I get to spend every minute with my favorite people in the universe. With exams done and no homework and nothing...
I'm sleeping to dream about you.
Last night was rough. Nightmares hurt so much more than reality. They grasp me and completely affect the thoughts I have put away, never to come to terms with.
I really hope I can sort this all out and prove to myself that these horrible dreams will never be anything more than that.
“A lot of people say I wouldn’t have a down day, but you look at the music,...”
– Stephan Jenkins, Third Eye Blind